well I can't set my house on fire every night
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
