Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
