well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
