I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
