Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
my liver is dry heaving
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
