he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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