THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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