remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
