At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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