pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
