im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
