she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
