I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
