So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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