Sponge bath it is.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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