This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
