I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
