Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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