The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
