I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
