If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
