Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
