Moan for me like Helen Keller
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
