The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Pants are for mortals
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