So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dicks are not precious.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
