I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
