You're so nebulous sometimes
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
