dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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