your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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