where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I want her autograph on my taint
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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