That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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