Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
