SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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