my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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