i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
