Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
