so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
