Life is so much better after having sex.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
