I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
