so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
