I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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