Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
someone owes me an orgasm
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
