it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
