She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
