She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
