I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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