the condom got lost in my hair
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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