I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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