What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
