Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
