i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
