So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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