I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
