well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
