Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
