i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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