i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
