If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
