Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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