Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize