Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
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My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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