He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
