I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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